"Like a cross between Sex and the City and Erma Bombeck, and that's a good thing."
--Jeffrey Ricker

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Are you kidding me?

I walked out of my house at 2:00 to go gas up the car and pick up the kids at 3:20.

When I hit the little unlock button on my car door handle nothing happened. No little beep. I had left my "keyless" key fob in the house. Along with my house key.

As I tried the front door, I mumbled a plea. "Oh, please, oh, please, oh, please." To no avail. It was locked.

No problem, I thought. There are four other entry ways to this house that no one ever remembers to lock.

All locked.

There was a brief moment of hope when I found the garage door opener. But the door from the garage to the house was locked.

More hope when I found a set of keys. To our garge door back in Shreveport and my husband's Chevelle on Cape Cod.

No need to panic yet. My husband has time enough to get to the kids. Thank goodness I have my phone.

Twenty calls, e-mails and texts go unanswered.

Okay. I have a shed and a garage full of tools and glass in my doors. A hammer, crowbar and jumbo hedge trimmers will not shatter that glass. I am weak. Ibriefly consider using the circular saw to cut a hole in the door.

By now, an hour has gone by and I realize that even if I got in now, I could never get to the kids on time. I call the school and ask them to put the kids in after school care.

Finally, FINALLY, my husband calls me back.

"Did you try the back door?"

*****

****

***

Is he freaking kidding me!

He is on his way to get the kids. I am on the back porch blogging from my Treo.

At least it's not raining. At least I know it would take a criminal more determined than me to get into my house.

No criminal could be more determined than I was to get to my children today.

Tonight we get a spare key made. My heart can't take this again.

Tuna Girl - 3:19 PM - - - #

Monday, October 06, 2008

Who's Minding the Store?

My husband did the sweetest thing this weekend.


He surprised me on Saturday by taking me to a piano store. He was going to buy me a piano, probably used, maybe even a used digital, but still. A piano.


He did a bunch of research and found this place online. It was highly rated and they also donate pianos to the kids' music academy which provides music education to underprivileged children.


I expected to be accosted by a sale's person the second we walked in the door. But the bing bong didn't seem to attract anyone.


Then we realized that there was a man snoring at his desk in the back of the store.


We tried to surreptitiously wake him. We cleared throats and spoke to the kids. We bing bonged the door one more time. But he kept on snoring.


We checked out the inventory but the longer we were there the more afraid we became that when we finally woke him up, he'd have a heart attack.


Even in sleep he looked about one juicy steak away from a heart attack anyway.


I was started to get the creeps and decided that we must leave right away.


We did stop at the kitchen design shop right next door, though. We were worried that the guy would get accosted and robbed.


And so I didn't get my piano. But I did pick out some awesome Black Galaxy granite counter tops.


It never pays to sleep on the job.

Tuna Girl - 12:54 AM - - - #

Friday, October 03, 2008

Speaking of Cartoons

This is what I do while on the phone.

I wonder what a psychologist would make of it.

Tuna Girl - 2:01 PM - - - #

Good Plan

Tuna Girl - 10:47 AM - - - #

Thursday, October 02, 2008

I am sad.

I miss my old friends.

I miss sending the kids to a school I felt good about.

I miss having a purpose in my life outside of raising my kids and building my marriage.

I miss who I was back in Louisiana.

Mostly, I miss my friends.

A couple of days ago my husband regrettfully informed me that there is a possibility we will be heading back to the bayou in two or three years.

I wasn't sad about that. Can you believe it? It is quite telling.

So, today, I post myself a sappy reminder of what it is all about.


When I can't give them the world, it hurts so much.

Tuna Girl - 9:27 AM - - - #

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Stupid, Junior High Rant

I got sarcastic quotation marked! (Yes, that's a verb.)

So, I stupidly, stupidly, stupidly volunteered to be a room mom. I thought it would be a good way to get involved at our new school and maybe meet some new friends.

Big mistake. Big fucking mistake. This is no sweet, little, Southern private school. This is a whole 'nother back-stabbing, snobby group of socialites with more time and money than brains or basic manners.

I got along just fine with the other room mother in my daughter's class. And I had already done enough work to get to know her teacher a little.

But when I went to the big meeting for all the room moms, I started wishing for a way to bail out.

Have you ever met a person and were just overwhelmed by her stupidity? Within moments of her opening her mouth you just knew that something wasn't quite right there. One of the room parents in our grade was like that.

But she was also mean. And self important. And desperate to be in charge.

My husband said, "She's a bitch!"

And I said, "No, she's really stupid."

And my husband replied, "So, she's a Dumb Bitch."

And she will forever be known as DB to me now.

Anyway, her participation is going to make everything a hundred times harder than it needs to be. To which I say, "Fine." I'll just put my head down, do my work, and make nice.

Well, then I got my big bale out.

My daughter got moved into the enrichment level at school.

Um, you know, I have to say it. Neener, neener, neener!

So I asked her teacher what this meant for room moms and she said, "Unfortunately, I'm going to lose you."

In the meantime, all hell had broken loose on the room mother front. Our grade apparently had a big fight, both verbally and in e-mail. We were chastised by the heads of the group. And I got pissed off. I held my tongue though.

But, the head lady called me and apologized for the whole thing and said that she knew I wasn't a part of any of it and obviously there are some personality issues. Than she said that she was sorry that they were losing me as a room mom and congratulations to my daughter for making it into the advanced program.

So I asked her how I should go about telling the other room moms, since they were meeting on Thursday and I didn't want to step on any toes.

She told me she would do it.

So she sent an e-mail, and of course included me. DB (who desperately called the meeting and only had me reply) replied all with a snarky response.

DB, check the distribution list before you hit send. (And don't e-mail from your anonymous blog's e-mail address.) And don't you dare sarcastic quotation mark the "QUEEN" of "sarcastic" quotation marks.

She will call me to "include" me. I'm this close to e-mailing her back to say not to "bother".

Stupid, Junior High Rant over.

Tuna Girl - 12:11 PM - - - #

Saturday, September 27, 2008

At the Symphony

Tuna Girl - 9:04 PM - - - #

Friday, September 26, 2008

Dear Obama Campaign Volunteers,

While I appreciate your support of the democratic process, and even that you've taken the time to call me on the phone, having five volunteers call me in a twelve hour period is a bit much.

It's telemarketing 101, people. Split the list up! Handing out multiple copies of the same list is only going to result in annoyed people screening their calls.

Wait until my husband the Republican answers the phone.

Oh! And p.s. When someone tells you they've received multiple calls, don't continue your spiel. Apologize, thank them for their time and hang up.

Tuna Girl - 11:03 AM - - - #